1 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:32,880 I had to pull that flush ten times, my arm. Oh, you're looking in blooming 2 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:38,440 health today, Mrs. Slocum. Well, this country air agrees with me, Miss Brahms. 3 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:42,000 Between you and me, I've left off my foundation. 4 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:43,360 Oh. 5 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,280 It's given my skin a chance to breathe. 6 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,880 The country air has certainly perked Mr. Humphries up. Oh, I think it's that 7 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:51,880 young girl, maybe. 8 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,260 Yes, she's a simple child, but she seems devoted to him. 9 00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:00,000 Probably makes a change from all those rough village boys that hang round 10 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,820 outside the pub, try to have a kiss and cuddle with anyone that goes by. 11 00:01:04,379 --> 00:01:05,680 Which pub is that? 12 00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,360 The Four Ferrets. 13 00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:13,640 Miss Brahms and I popped in yesterday after your trial. 14 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:19,600 I wouldn't recommend it. These jukebox things they have ruin the atmosphere of 15 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:20,600 coaching inn. 16 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:24,100 You went and pressed the button for love me tender, love me true. 17 00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:29,740 Quite by accident, with my elbow, as I was avoiding the barmaid's bosom as she 18 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:32,260 pushed by with two pints of Big Dice Crumpy. 19 00:01:32,620 --> 00:01:34,080 What on earth is that? 20 00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:37,380 Something which wipes out the memory of ever having ordered it. 21 00:01:37,940 --> 00:01:41,440 Yeah, you want to stay out of that public bar and all. It's full of those 22 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,800 workers. Oh, I had to go through there to go to the loo and there was rough 23 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,020 hands all over me. 24 00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:48,540 Oh, thank you for warning me, Miss Brown. 25 00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:51,770 I hate that sort of thing. 26 00:01:53,010 --> 00:01:54,710 Isn't that the pub on the corner? 27 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,450 That's the one. 28 00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:59,450 Oh, it looks quite nice from outside. 29 00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:02,030 Good morning, Miss Lovelock. 30 00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:03,690 Good morning, Captain Leacock. 31 00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:06,550 Someone's hogged all the hot water this morning. 32 00:02:06,810 --> 00:02:08,630 Really? How selfish of them. 33 00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,710 Off on your bike, are you? 34 00:02:10,970 --> 00:02:13,290 I promised to exercise Sir Robert's hunter. 35 00:02:13,570 --> 00:02:14,910 I'll be back in about an hour. 36 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,500 Take any messages for me? Oh, yes, madam. 37 00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:20,620 That one gets right up my nose. 38 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,680 Mr. Grace probably spoils her a bit. Older men frequently do. 39 00:02:24,980 --> 00:02:26,060 So we've noticed. 40 00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:35,880 Been doing your cake fit, Mr. Humphrey. Yeah, I've been out for four hours. 41 00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:38,820 Mavis has had me in the vegetable patch. 42 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,780 Picking peas for the pea soup. 43 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,280 Do you know, I shelled five pounds before breakfast this morning. 44 00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:49,720 It is wonderful. They come in little packets like that. You just pop the end 45 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,320 open and open them up and there they are. 46 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:57,480 No additives, no ease, no artificial colouring. Just a lot of little green 47 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:00,380 munching. I think I'll skip the pea soup. 48 00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:03,380 Ah, now that you're all there, we must have a meeting. 49 00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:06,220 Are you free, Captain Peacock? Yes, at the moment. 50 00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:09,680 Mrs. Slocum, Miss Browns? Yes, we are free. 51 00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:12,560 Mr Humphreys, are you... Humphreys? 52 00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:16,480 Now, I have a rather serious matter to discuss. 53 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:21,500 Before you start, Mr Rumbold, may I have an understanding regarding the bath 54 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:26,800 water? When I performed my ablutions this morning, I got three inches of hot 55 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,100 about two foot of tepid. 56 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:33,080 Well, the baths are very big here, and people have been overindulging. 57 00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:34,340 Oh, you're right there. 58 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,860 Captain Peacock was in there for hours this morning. He was all steam coming 59 00:03:37,860 --> 00:03:38,860 the keyhole. 60 00:03:39,180 --> 00:03:41,080 I hope you weren't looking through it, Miss Brown. 61 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,700 I would have done, but Miss Lovelock wouldn't move over. 62 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,540 Just winding you up. 63 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,040 Well, you must all realise that it's an old -fashioned system. We'll have to 64 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,400 ration ourselves to five inches. Do you agree, Mrs Slocum? 65 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,340 Oh, really, Mr Rumble, we had all that during the war. 66 00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:01,360 And five inches goes nowhere. 67 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,420 Speaking for myself, four inches would be more than adequate. 68 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:13,660 Let me get a solution merely to provide more hot water. 69 00:04:13,860 --> 00:04:18,760 No, it isn't, Captain Peacock. Me and Mavis were in that woodshed for hours, 70 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,899 -ing and fro -ing with a cross saw yesterday. 71 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,120 And the wood's all gone. 72 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,920 Well, I do not intend for one second to give up my usual big bath. 73 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,900 You'll have to go in the woodshed we've made this. 74 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:36,100 Oh, I'll organise a rota for wood duty, and those that want more water can chop 75 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:38,400 more wood. A point of order, Mr Rumble. 76 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:44,340 Is Miss Lovelock entitled to a bath in the main house, seeing as how she's 77 00:04:44,340 --> 00:04:46,440 domiciled in the groom's quarters? 78 00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:50,280 Yes, well, we do have a bit of a demarcation problem there. 79 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,960 I'm sure Captain Peacock will help her fill her quota. 80 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:55,780 Or share his bath. 81 00:04:57,450 --> 00:05:01,470 Well, it's only fair if, as he says, he has an unusually big one. 82 00:05:03,410 --> 00:05:08,230 Yes, well, what I wanted to discuss, now that we've dealt with the urgent matter 83 00:05:08,230 --> 00:05:12,910 of the bathwater, is that I have received a phone call from the travel 84 00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:17,010 booked the American party who are staying with us this weekend as part of 85 00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:18,130 tour of Old England. 86 00:05:18,490 --> 00:05:20,050 Well, they want baths and all. 87 00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:24,670 It seems that the last place they stayed at was a bit below par. 88 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:30,860 They had damp sheets, overgrown gardens, dust and so on, all over everything, as 89 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:34,240 a result of which that hotel has been struck off the list. Now, we don't want 90 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,260 that to happen to us. 91 00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:40,380 They pay very well, well over £1 ,000 per weekend, plus tips. 92 00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:43,340 But how are they going to tip? We've got no staff. 93 00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:46,960 Oh, well, we have had some replies, and I shall be interviewing some of the 94 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:47,960 applicants this afternoon. 95 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:49,640 Meanwhile, time is short. 96 00:05:49,860 --> 00:05:54,220 I think we should buckle to and get this place ship -shape and Bristol fashion. 97 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,080 Oh, does that mean calling back Miss Lovelock? 98 00:06:00,180 --> 00:06:03,080 I have made out a suggested list of tasks. 99 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:07,560 Captain Peacock, would you be good enough to deal with the lawns? The lawns 100 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:08,499 rather extensive. 101 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:11,040 I hope you're not expecting me to mow them single -handed. 102 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,360 Perhaps you could get Miss Lovelock to harness up her horse. 103 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:19,700 Miss Brahms, it has not escaped my attention that you have been implying 104 00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:21,400 I'm attracted to Miss Lovelock in some way. 105 00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:24,320 Overt references to sharing my bath. 106 00:06:24,940 --> 00:06:29,060 Uncalled for remarks, Mrs. Slocum, about older men and younger women. 107 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,900 Not to mention big ones. 108 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:36,520 All this has not escaped my attention. And, let me state, here and now... 109 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:41,190 that I was just showing the orderly courtesy expected of a gentleman towards 110 00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:42,630 um... Good -looking bird? 111 00:06:43,810 --> 00:06:49,110 Towards a well -bred young lady who did, let us face it, look after Mr. Grace in 112 00:06:49,110 --> 00:06:51,870 his, let us say, um... Reclining years. 113 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:57,580 I think you've made your point, Captain Peacock. I'm sure no offence was 114 00:06:57,580 --> 00:06:59,940 intended and there is a ride on mower. 115 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:04,920 Captain Peacock, on behalf of Miss Brahms and myself, may I say that no 116 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:05,920 was intended. 117 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,660 Isn't that right, Miss Brahms? Yes. 118 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,120 We're just amazed you can still pull. 119 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:17,800 Well, I would like to say here and now that remarks have been made about me and 120 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:18,800 Miss Moulthard. 121 00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:20,820 And I don't mind a bit. 122 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,600 Well, is that settled? Can we get on? 123 00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:28,480 Yes, yes, of course. Now, weeds, Mr Humphreys. I beg your pardon? 124 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,200 Did you weed the beds? 125 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,040 Oh, it's a long time since I did that. 126 00:07:35,260 --> 00:07:40,420 And, uh, while you're about it, cut some flowers for Mrs Slocum to arrange. 127 00:07:40,820 --> 00:07:44,640 Oh, roses would be nice, Mr Humphreys. You'll find secretaries in the shed. 128 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:47,000 If not, they'll be non -secretaries. 129 00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:50,220 Nobody got that, did they? 130 00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:54,060 he could try it on Miss Lovelock. 131 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:56,480 Sorry. 132 00:07:56,820 --> 00:08:00,740 Now, Miss Brahms, could you vacuum the carpet and the stairs? 133 00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:05,700 Do the dusting? Oh, and the sheets came back from the laundry still a little on 134 00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:06,700 the damp side. 135 00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:10,600 Perhaps you could hang them out to air. Oh, and make sure that there is soap, 136 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,200 towels and loo rolls in the bathroom. 137 00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:15,720 Oh, hang on a minute. 138 00:08:15,980 --> 00:08:17,480 I'm not bleeding Cinderella. 139 00:08:19,060 --> 00:08:23,460 Perhaps we could watch our language, Miss Brahms. Well, Well, he gets on my 140 00:08:23,460 --> 00:08:24,460 wick. 141 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:25,699 No, no, no. 142 00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:28,300 You're quite right, Miss Brahms. I was overloading you. 143 00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:30,660 Perhaps Mr Humphreys could deal with the kitchen. 144 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,559 With Miss Moulton. 145 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,960 And, Mrs Slocum, perhaps you could help with the sheets. 146 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,900 Ian, what about the vacuuming? 147 00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:42,679 Could you help with that too, Mrs Slocum? I am not lugging a great big 148 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:45,160 all those stairs, and I am unanimous in that. 149 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,620 No, no, no. It's not a big one. It's only a junior goblin. I'm sure the 150 00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:54,580 gentleman... Mr. Huffington, could you manage a junior goblin up the stairs? 151 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,280 Ah, 152 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,040 Miss Lovelock. 153 00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:07,460 That's a fine animal. 154 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,640 Yes, but she's got a lot of arab in her. 155 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,880 Makes her a bit wild. Oh, well, yes, that's only to be expected. 156 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,020 Fortunately, I have very strong thighs. 157 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,920 I can crush the breath out of her and slow her down. 158 00:09:22,790 --> 00:09:26,970 Terrible. I wonder if you could tell me where the mower is. I'm going to 159 00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:27,970 manicure the lawn. 160 00:09:28,070 --> 00:09:28,549 Of course. 161 00:09:28,550 --> 00:09:30,570 I'll come along with you and help to get you going. 162 00:09:30,910 --> 00:09:31,910 And you've got a starter. 163 00:09:33,010 --> 00:09:34,830 Just needs a strong pull. 164 00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:37,430 I shall follow your technique with interest. 165 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:44,210 You are tall, aren't you? Just 6 '2". As a matter of fact, I'm the same height 166 00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:45,370 as Ramon Navarro. 167 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:46,750 Who's he? 168 00:09:47,010 --> 00:09:49,490 Oh, just one of those new rock singers. 169 00:10:00,590 --> 00:10:02,990 Tell me, you just cut all those flowers for me? 170 00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:04,630 Well, I've certainly just cut them. 171 00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,050 Oh, they're lovely. 172 00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:09,190 Here, have you ever rotted a drain? 173 00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:12,990 No, but I've dealt with my mother's kitchen sink with a rubber plunger. 174 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,710 Well, stick this thing in and shove it up and down. 175 00:10:19,050 --> 00:10:21,030 I think there's a dead rat down there. 176 00:10:22,030 --> 00:10:24,570 I'll go and put your lovely flowers in a bucket. 177 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:54,360 all the rest. 178 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,520 Yes, well, usually I've just taken down the lawn track. 179 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,320 By the time I've done Tesco, they're all finished. 180 00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:03,560 You're living in the country now, Miss Brown. 181 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:08,620 Well, it's like in a ladder. It's a bit high, isn't it? Oh, silly girl. 182 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,000 Well, old -fashioned but effective. 183 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,700 You know, we've got to learn to do things for ourselves now. 184 00:11:17,140 --> 00:11:19,040 Yes, I suppose I've always been lucky. 185 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:23,440 There's always been some fella there to do things for me. Well, until recently. 186 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,480 Whatever happened to that man with the amusement arcade in Newport Pagnot? 187 00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:30,500 Well, he got hit by the recession. 188 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:34,500 And then by his wife when she found out about me. 189 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,180 Oh, was that the time in that hotel? Yes. 190 00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:40,520 When you were caught in the fire escape in United? 191 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,040 Yes. 192 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,920 Could they tell it was you in the photo? 193 00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:46,460 No. 194 00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:49,530 But they could see it was him when he was climbing out the window with his leg 195 00:11:49,530 --> 00:11:50,530 over. 196 00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:56,310 Mr. Holmes, how long was it? 197 00:11:58,290 --> 00:12:01,190 Oh, we were together for five years. Every Tuesday. 198 00:12:02,830 --> 00:12:05,450 Well, you mustn't give up hope, you know. 199 00:12:05,870 --> 00:12:09,270 I mean, you're still a very attractive person. 200 00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:11,630 Oh, thank you. When you do yourself up. 201 00:12:12,390 --> 00:12:14,010 You've got a lot to offer. 202 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,280 Yes, well, unless they've got some lolly, I'm not offering it. 203 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:22,920 You know, between you and me, I'm keeping an eye open on my own behalf. 204 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:27,780 Oh? Well, there are a lot of men of property about in this part of the 205 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,800 and if I find one, I shall pounce. 206 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,920 Yes. Do you want me to help you put it up? Oh, thank you, Mrs. Robinson. 207 00:12:35,740 --> 00:12:40,510 There. They'll dry in no time. Well, we'd better go and tackle the interior. 208 00:12:41,050 --> 00:12:43,910 Yeah, you know that Mr. Moulter, he's got his eye on you. 209 00:12:44,190 --> 00:12:49,050 No, don't think I haven't noticed, Miss Browns. Now, you know I'm not snobbish, 210 00:12:49,110 --> 00:12:51,370 but he is a bit below my station. 211 00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:53,610 Real son of a soil, isn't he? 212 00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:56,070 Most of it's under his fingernails. 213 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,520 here in this garage. 214 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,860 That's the throttle. That's the clutch. Careful with the throttle. It's a bit 215 00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:18,460 sticky. Where's the brake? 216 00:13:18,820 --> 00:13:19,820 There isn't one. 217 00:13:20,140 --> 00:13:21,140 Start her up. 218 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:22,500 Oh, yes. 219 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,180 Right. 220 00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:32,340 I suppose there's a knack. 221 00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,640 It just needs a quick pull. 222 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,160 Allow me. 223 00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:49,660 See you later. 224 00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:29,680 No need to mow the verges. The council do that. 225 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,600 Madcap. 226 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:42,720 Oh, Mr. 227 00:14:43,060 --> 00:14:45,700 Humphreys, you're bringing that floor up a fair tree. 228 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,220 I think I've got housemaid's knee. 229 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,940 Dear, have you had it before? 230 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,660 Yes, as a matter of fact, I have. I got it in me hand. 231 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,840 My mother had quite a shock. 232 00:14:56,910 --> 00:14:58,130 You need a rest. 233 00:14:58,530 --> 00:14:59,670 Give me Anne with the stew. 234 00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:01,030 Oh, right. 235 00:15:01,830 --> 00:15:03,950 Great. Now, we've done the parents in the apartment. 236 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,610 Give me Anne with the onions. What do we do? 237 00:15:06,930 --> 00:15:10,390 Peel them and chop them. Dip them in the water. You don't get them in your eyes 238 00:15:10,390 --> 00:15:11,069 so much. 239 00:15:11,070 --> 00:15:12,670 Oh, my mother used to do that. 240 00:15:13,490 --> 00:15:15,250 You talk about your mother a lot. 241 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,430 When did you finally leave home? 242 00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:18,910 Thursday. 243 00:15:20,350 --> 00:15:21,870 I've never been married. 244 00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:23,170 No, never. 245 00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:25,310 No, I never found Miss right. 246 00:15:26,190 --> 00:15:28,330 Sounds like your life's been a bit lonely. 247 00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:30,390 Well, yes, I suppose so. 248 00:15:31,370 --> 00:15:33,630 Still, I've had a good life. 249 00:15:36,850 --> 00:15:38,690 I've had some lovely Christmases. 250 00:15:42,450 --> 00:15:43,950 I've got a lot of cards. 251 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:49,690 The milkman and the dustman used to come in. 252 00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:53,430 They'd have a drink and tell a little joke. 253 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:07,260 I used to go to Western Supermare, paddle, listen to the band. 254 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:12,940 I often used to think to myself, oh, the people having as much fun. 255 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,620 Well, it's nice to have happy memories you can laugh about. 256 00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:20,840 I've had a lovely life here in the country. 257 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,700 And it's been a lot happier since you've been here. 258 00:16:46,890 --> 00:16:51,030 that I am not pulling my weight. May I remind you that I have vacuumed this 259 00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:57,110 entire room while you were unwrapping loom rolls, which was hardly exhausting. 260 00:16:57,530 --> 00:17:01,630 But I don't think these carpets will need doing again in a hurry. Most of the 261 00:17:01,630 --> 00:17:02,830 pattern went up the pipe. 262 00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:06,030 I've had a rocket down to that vacuum. There's hardly any sap left. 263 00:17:06,230 --> 00:17:09,430 I've had the same dead moth up the nozzle three times. It keeps falling 264 00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:12,930 If you ask me, the sooner the staff get here, the better. 265 00:17:17,290 --> 00:17:21,030 Well, I must congratulate you on the dew, Mr Humphreys. 266 00:17:21,470 --> 00:17:23,390 Mind you, the gravy was a bit salty. 267 00:17:23,849 --> 00:17:25,670 I cried a lot into the onions. 268 00:17:27,670 --> 00:17:31,110 I should like to congratulate you all on your efforts this morning. 269 00:17:31,390 --> 00:17:35,650 The flower arrangement looked particularly effective, Mrs Clocombe, 270 00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:37,210 carpet came up remarkably well. 271 00:17:37,410 --> 00:17:39,010 Yeah, most of it came up the vacuum. 272 00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:43,890 I am not, however, so pleased about the lawns. 273 00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:50,970 The stripes should go up and down, not round and round. That was the second 274 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:51,970 the throttle stuck. 275 00:17:52,090 --> 00:17:55,690 I also had a complaint that you were seen driving the mower on the public 276 00:17:55,690 --> 00:17:58,330 highway. That was the first time the throttle stuck. 277 00:17:59,170 --> 00:18:02,550 There is always the question of what you intend to do about the hole in the 278 00:18:02,550 --> 00:18:03,550 hedge. 279 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,370 I have a suggestion about that. 280 00:18:05,630 --> 00:18:08,890 Oh, what is that, Captain Peacock? I'm going to suggest that you get out there 281 00:18:08,890 --> 00:18:09,930 and stop it up yourself. 282 00:18:11,950 --> 00:18:14,910 Captain Peacock, I'm not used to being spoken to like that. Then you'd better 283 00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:17,890 get used to it. We're not in the store now, you know. No, then. 284 00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:19,570 That's enough of that bickering. 285 00:18:20,310 --> 00:18:24,030 Crosswords make cross faces, and we don't want them at the table. 286 00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:28,570 And you, Mr. Rumbold, what do you mean by leaving those tatoes? 287 00:18:28,990 --> 00:18:31,250 We're not having saucy plates round here. 288 00:18:31,970 --> 00:18:33,210 We snack, whatnot. 289 00:18:33,810 --> 00:18:34,810 Now, eat them up. 290 00:18:35,290 --> 00:18:36,310 No pudding. 291 00:18:36,710 --> 00:18:40,630 Don't you talk with your mouth full. 292 00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,620 You should do a bit more work, reindeer. 293 00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:47,260 Mr. Renfrew's nearly done himself in rodding this morning. 294 00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:56,640 Is there anything you wish to say, 295 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:57,680 Mr. Renfrew? 296 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,740 I think I'll have Mr. Rumble's potato. 297 00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:06,120 Sorry to barge in when you've got your snouts in the trough. 298 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,140 I've just come to tell you that I'm real... 299 00:19:10,430 --> 00:19:11,910 Cut up about them sheets. 300 00:19:12,330 --> 00:19:14,810 Oh, I suppose it wasn't really your fault. 301 00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:21,850 Well, I've hosed up water in the town's drinking trough, put the sheets in the 302 00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:24,850 stove. Now, which sheets are those? 303 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:29,270 Mrs. Flocombe and I hung them out to air and he ran over them in a tractor. 304 00:19:30,090 --> 00:19:31,690 And why wasn't I informed? 305 00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:34,770 Because you were too busy poking your nose into the hole in the head. 306 00:19:35,010 --> 00:19:37,950 You start again, you'll get no pudding either. 307 00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:43,540 Oh, yes. 308 00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:46,480 I hosed it out with sheet dip. 309 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:53,860 And then I put in one of them detergents like they has on television. 310 00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:59,760 All they need now is a good stir to get the tire marked. 311 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,240 Oh, we'd better go and see what he's done. 312 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,720 Well, it's a horse truck. 313 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,420 Well, that's what we use in the country when there's a big job. 314 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:30,880 Of course, we used to do it in the stream till Sir Robert let his cows pat 315 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:36,800 it. Mind you, that stream still brings my trousers up a tree. 316 00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:40,700 We're lucky we've got all this modern equipment. 317 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,800 Well, it's no good you all looking at it. 318 00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:48,480 Miss Darren's friends, Captain Peacock, take your shoes and socks off. 319 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:50,300 No, look. 320 00:20:50,410 --> 00:20:51,369 you trousers. 321 00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:54,570 And get in and tease all the dirty. 322 00:20:55,390 --> 00:20:58,910 What are we supposed to do? 323 00:20:59,290 --> 00:21:01,550 Tuck your skirts in your knickers. 324 00:21:02,850 --> 00:21:04,770 Oh, why should you worry? 325 00:21:04,990 --> 00:21:06,610 I've seen it all before. 326 00:21:07,110 --> 00:21:08,950 You have not seen it all before. 327 00:21:10,730 --> 00:21:11,830 Teasling's good fun. 328 00:21:12,190 --> 00:21:14,230 Oh, yes, come on in. The water's lovely and warm. 329 00:21:14,730 --> 00:21:18,450 Well, you can't tease all without a teasling song. 330 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,760 Dad's known all over the district for his Teasel men. 331 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,760 I knew you'd be a good sport and join in. 332 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,980 One, two, three, four. 333 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:35,460 Teasel Dublin, Teasel, Teasel, Teasel, it's time to play. 334 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:40,180 Teasel left and Teasel right, till the sheets are nice and white. 335 00:21:40,820 --> 00:21:46,860 All together, Teasel Dublin, Teasel, Teasel. Teasel, teasel, it's time for 336 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,400 Teasel left and teasel right. 337 00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:51,620 Teasel, teasel right. 338 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,640 Catchy little thing, isn't it? 339 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,420 The dirt and dust are stained. 340 00:21:56,660 --> 00:21:58,460 Teasel, teasel, time again. 341 00:21:58,940 --> 00:22:03,400 Teasel up and teasel down. Make your trousers nice and round. 342 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,800 There, that'll do. 343 00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:14,120 They're still a bit damp. 344 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,480 They'll dry off on the rack. 345 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,600 Still a faint aroma of sheep dip. 346 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,720 Bounce some air freshener on them. 347 00:22:22,980 --> 00:22:24,560 Oh, that's a good idea, Miss Jones. 348 00:22:25,860 --> 00:22:27,460 Now, what shall we have? 349 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,220 Evening dew or autumn verbena surprise? 350 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,560 Don't use that one. It's up and cleaner. We don't want to go teaseling again. 351 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,040 Stand back. 352 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:41,520 Ah, 353 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,020 I have good news. 354 00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:47,460 Some applicants have arrived for the staff appointment. 355 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,440 Captain Peacock, are you free to interview? 356 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:51,680 I shall be in a moment. 357 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:56,320 Well, I say to you, sir, you run along, Mr. Humphries, and do your interviewing. 358 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:57,700 Up you all go. 359 00:22:58,180 --> 00:23:00,920 I'll have a nice cup of tea waiting for you when you've done. 360 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,940 We'll interview them in the main hall. 361 00:23:03,140 --> 00:23:07,620 This is now a matter of some urgency, as Mr. Frobisher of the travel agency is 362 00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:11,000 arranging for a photographer to come tomorrow morning to take a picture of 363 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,620 staff for the new brochure. Oh, you ladies. 364 00:23:26,879 --> 00:23:30,860 Now, before we start, can we all agree what sort of qualities we're looking 365 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:32,080 Hard workers. 366 00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:33,760 And they must have good references. 367 00:23:34,140 --> 00:23:35,800 And they must be game for a teasel. 368 00:23:36,020 --> 00:23:38,240 They must be cheap. 369 00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:42,220 Mr. Moulton is holding them back in the billiard room. How many are there? 370 00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:43,700 At the moment? 371 00:23:44,210 --> 00:23:45,210 Two? 372 00:23:45,810 --> 00:23:47,630 Could we have the first one, Mr. Moulton? 373 00:23:49,630 --> 00:23:50,630 Mrs. 374 00:23:50,890 --> 00:23:51,890 Clegghampton! 375 00:23:56,630 --> 00:23:58,110 Ah, Mrs. 376 00:23:58,390 --> 00:24:00,010 Clegghampton. Mrs. 377 00:24:00,410 --> 00:24:02,750 Clegghampton is applying for the post of chambermaid. 378 00:24:03,810 --> 00:24:04,810 Good afternoon. 379 00:24:06,690 --> 00:24:10,570 Perhaps you give us your CV. 380 00:24:11,030 --> 00:24:12,030 You what? 381 00:24:12,780 --> 00:24:13,780 Your CV? 382 00:24:14,060 --> 00:24:16,820 No. I'm a lapsed Catholic. 383 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:21,200 What was your last position? 384 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,900 I was in Madam Tussauds for ten years. 385 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,140 What section did they put you in? 386 00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:28,500 Historical. 387 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,940 There's not a monarch hasn't had my feather duster up his regalia. 388 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:40,080 I was there for ten years and I ended up in a chamber of horrors. 389 00:24:40,700 --> 00:24:41,960 Right in the bath. 390 00:24:42,660 --> 00:24:44,780 Did you leave of your own volition? 391 00:24:45,020 --> 00:24:46,380 No, I left the ambulance. 392 00:24:49,260 --> 00:24:51,940 I get these dizzy spells, you see. 393 00:24:52,620 --> 00:24:55,460 Are you acquainted with a vacuum cleaner? 394 00:24:56,020 --> 00:24:58,440 Oh, yes, but I don't do stairs. 395 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,620 What about washing up? 396 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:04,700 No, I can't put my hands in detergent. They all come up. 397 00:25:05,340 --> 00:25:06,740 Can you make bait? 398 00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:08,100 Oh, yes. 399 00:25:08,830 --> 00:25:11,530 But I can't change sheets and pillowcases. 400 00:25:12,830 --> 00:25:17,570 When I was younger, I used to trap the pillow under me chin. 401 00:25:18,270 --> 00:25:25,170 But since I had my operation, I'm not... I think what we have in mind 402 00:25:25,170 --> 00:25:26,970 for you is perhaps too arduous. 403 00:25:27,230 --> 00:25:28,230 Good afternoon. 404 00:25:28,390 --> 00:25:30,430 I don't think she's going to make it to the door. 405 00:25:31,590 --> 00:25:34,690 Oh, Mr Rumbold, be gentle with her. 406 00:25:34,930 --> 00:25:35,849 Of course. 407 00:25:35,850 --> 00:25:36,850 Next! 408 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:43,260 Oh, the next one is Mr. Bald Pony. He's been a first -class waiter for 30 years 409 00:25:43,260 --> 00:25:46,180 in Bristol, Manchester, Glasgow, London and Edinburgh. 410 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:47,480 In hotels? 411 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,000 Restaurant cars, British Rail. 412 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:56,460 May we stop the tea, mate? And Mr. Bald Pony's just waiting to demonstrate his 413 00:25:56,460 --> 00:25:58,620 skill by bringing it to you. 414 00:25:59,460 --> 00:26:03,100 30 years as a restaurant car attendant's a pretty good recommendation. 415 00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:06,640 So, then... Mr. Bald Pony! 416 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,300 I think he's been shunted into a siding. 417 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:28,460 And even for the first sitting mind at all, I ought to mention that the uniform 418 00:26:28,460 --> 00:26:29,800 goes with the job. 419 00:26:30,340 --> 00:26:32,460 He's got yesterday's lunch menu down. 420 00:26:33,380 --> 00:26:38,280 Well, thank you, Mr. Volpani. We'll let you know. I'm on the 845 to Edinburgh, 421 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:42,580 but you can get in touch with me at Darlington because the stationmaster 422 00:26:42,580 --> 00:26:46,260 will hold a board up with a message on it. But don't make it too long. 423 00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:47,700 It's an express. 424 00:26:56,810 --> 00:26:57,810 That's it, then. 425 00:26:59,490 --> 00:27:00,490 Oh, 426 00:27:01,990 --> 00:27:03,650 I'm Frobisher, the travel agent. 427 00:27:03,990 --> 00:27:07,950 I'm sorry, but I couldn't get the photographer for tomorrow, so he'll be 428 00:27:07,950 --> 00:27:08,950 six o 'clock this evening. 429 00:27:09,150 --> 00:27:13,350 Had the staff standing by about five -two. Sorry, moustache. 430 00:27:14,610 --> 00:27:17,250 The place is looking first -class. 431 00:27:17,610 --> 00:27:19,670 Love the whirly effect on the lawn. 432 00:27:20,590 --> 00:27:21,590 Well, 433 00:27:23,670 --> 00:27:24,670 Mr Humboldt, 434 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:27,980 I don't see how we can open without a staff. 435 00:27:28,420 --> 00:27:31,320 But if we don't open, we don't cop the lolly. 436 00:27:31,780 --> 00:27:34,860 You'd better get off your backbones then, hadn't you? 437 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:41,440 That does it. 438 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,480 You're all arguing again. 439 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:45,560 You'll get no supper. 440 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,720 Except for you, Mr. Enfries. You and me will have a little nibble upstairs.